The Funniest Thing of the Week

1. A friend had to explain the process by which Wikipedia articles are written to her seventh graders after a number of them "turned in mini-biographies about Charles Dickens indicating that, in 1836, he married his first love, FLAVA FLAV [emphasis original]."

2. From Unshelved, the hip librarian's favorite comic strip:

"I need to miss work tomorrow. Grandma's having her sicsempertyrannus removed."

http://www.overduemedia.com/archive.aspx?strip=20061128

http://rrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnhhhh.blogspot.com

Upon seeing this I found it really, really hard not to snort and slam the table and bust out laughing. But I had to, 'cause I work in a corporate library. I think I may have burst some blood vessels in my eyes.

Apparently this reaction is known as a "boffo" in the world of professional comedians, according to A. O. Scott of the NYT, ranking above "titter" and "belly laugh." And if A. O. Scott don't know funny, then please, people, who does?

• "White man sold it to me."
• "It's filled with explosive and a few of those damned beads they've traded to us."
• "Even if it doesn't go off, finding it will scare the hell out of them."
• "They think they're the only ones who have Warsaw Pact connections."
• "It's called The Peacemaker."
• "These arrowheads just make a mess out of the animals we hunt."
• "Naw, we're okay without backup."

http://www.cartoonbank.com/CapContest/CaptionContest.aspx

http://www.letsrun.com/forum/flat_read.php?thread=1635247

The first four entries of this string are perfect. They're more or less what any given training run is like with a group of marathoners who know each other. One statement or question, a half-assed sanctimonious response, someone calling the first responder an asshole, and some other guy says a surprisingly vulgar fart joke.

Oh, and I'm listening to the radio right now; some old blues guy is being interviewed. The moron interviewer says something like, How did you become so knowledgable about the blues? The guy responds, "I'm so full of knowledge about the blues, I need a laxative."

• "Who requested that Burt Bacharach?"
• "Nope, don't know that one. Who else wants to hear something?"
• "The auditors said we'll have to dance to whatever music they play."
• "Ready for the Soxley-hop?"
• "I'll be here all week."
• "At first, I was afraid. I was petrified."
• "I will henceforth respond only to Piano Man. Dismissed."
• "Screw your budgets. Today we discuss Liberace."
• "Please conduct yourselves in a manner befitting a chamber concert."
• "Anyone in the market for a slightly used conference table?
• "And from now on, write everything on bar napkins."
• "You'll take turns slinking around on the piano, singing."
• "I haven't heard any mention of the new furniture."

http://www.cartoonbank.com/CapContest/CaptionContest.aspx

• "Strange--he wasn't there a minute ago."
• "Looks like we don't have a position to fill after all."
• "This conference room is almost always available."
• "We've been acclimating our new Middle East-Africa team."
• "Will he never die?"
• "Oh, well. We're too late."
• "One second you're working at your desk, and the next--quicksand!"
• "Me, step in that? Not in this suit."
• "You jump in. You heard him first."
• "Can't be quicksand. No pith helmet on top."
• "I'd jump in, but there's no vine to climb back out on."
• "See if he answers his cell phone."
• "He survived the other feats of strength so bravely."
  

• "Do you hear gnawing on the line?"
• "Remember my weird horoscope from this morning?"
• "Your husband, yes."
• "I'm sure that putting boric acid on my ankle would help, but I'm not doing it."
• "Henry finally turned up."
• "A six foot, two-hundred-fifty pound rat, yes."
• "What? Of course it hurts."
• "Of course I've asked him to stop."
• "911 operators aren't supposed to laugh like that."
• "Strangest thing..."
• "This latest applicant might not be a good fit."
• "This latest applicant would be great, just not here."
• "We're losing sight of the real issue, ma'am. Your temp is chewing on my leg."
• "I need a copy of Kiss, Bow, or Shake Hands, fast."
• "...so that's what I'm dealing with. I'll take my answer off the air."
• "If this isn't an HR issue, then who do I call?"
• "I charge $500 an hour, but not for this."
• "I offered him the phone. He doesn't want to talk."
• "Can I call you right back?"
  

http://www.cartoonbank.com/CapContest/CaptionContest.aspx